Living with Illness

Understanding the Problem

Although illness and disability will affect most people at some time in their lives, few "prepare" themselves for it. When illness strikes, most people feel temporarily at a loss for what to do first or next. Many people feel overwhelmed by the task ahead, whether they are the ones whose body is now under siege or they are the caretaker for that person.

Society promotes the idea that "good" people have a healthy body and mind. When illness arrives, many people feel that they must have done something wrong; that they have been "bad." This feeling compounds people's upset and distress. Often people search their minds for what they might have done to contribute to the problem. If you are a parent of a child who has had his first asthma attack, you may question whether you should have kept your house freer of dust. If you are a woman who learns she has breast cancer, you may recall a newspaper article that said women who eat less fat are at lower risk for breast cancer. You may blame yourself for all those bowls of ice-cream at bedtime. Self-blame makes coping with illness harder.

Even though most families will deal with illness and disability at some time, families often feel alone with a sick or disabled family member. Some families even feel shame. Self-blame and shame can lead to isolation, making the adjustment to illness and disability more difficult. Some people also have the idea that they should be able to overcome illness themselves. They see illness as one more occasion for self-reliance. Ideas that encourage an approach of "rugged individualism" make living with illness harder, not easier, to bear in the long run.