Sharing a Secret by Dr. Evan Imber Black [part 2]

Interview with filmmaker Neil Jordan

Looking for a Therapist?

Interview with filmmaker John Sayles

Open Heart by David Epston & Wally McKenzie

Connecting to Grief: Men's Paths to Healing by Tom Golden

Do One Thing Different by Bill O'Hanlon

Taking the Hassle out of School by Dorothea Lewis and Aileen Cheshire

Revitalizing your Relationship by Michelle Weiner-Davis

 

Features

anorexia/bulimia and the Holidays

When you dream of the holidays what comes to mind - turkey, latkas, pumpkin pie, sugar plums? Maybe its thoughts of travel, visiting relatives, or buying new clothes. Food and family tend to merge during the holidays.

Within Judeo-Christian beliefs the holiday season is organized and, to a certain extent, ritualized around food. For someone struggling with anorexia/bulimia, the merger of food and family gatherings is a complete nightmare.

Think about it. The problem of anorexia/bulimia works to isolate a person from all of their loved ones (see Understanding the Problem ). In addition, anorexia/bulimia ritualizes the intake of food. The result is often a painful tension that gets created when holiday rituals clash with the rules of anorexia/bulimia. Within this clash, family tensions often reach a climax and more often than not anorexia/bulimia wins out.

Through listening to hundreds of client stories, planet-therapy.com has learned that a good way for everyone to get through and possibly enjoy this festive season is to devise a safe holiday plan.

Creating a Safe Holiday Plan

Almost all people struggling with anorexia/bulimia report feeling like they are being constantly watched, judged and negatively assessed. Family members report feeling a sense of dread that they will say the wrong thing and make a bad situation worse.

During family gatherings a sense of self-surveillance can become acute for all participants. By creating a safe holiday plan everyone can get to know the rules of the new rituals devised within the plan. A well designed plan acts to take the pressure off. The key to any anti-anorexic/bulimic holiday plan is to understand how anorexia/bulimia works and what makes it grow bigger (See our Do's and Don'ts). Above all realize that creating a safe holiday plan puts everyone on the same side, working together.

The Plan

  • Begin by talking about your holiday plan in advance.

  • Organize the seating arrangements with care where the person struggling with anorexia/bulimia can sit beside her/his closest allies and feels safe.

  • Agree that the dinner conversation will not be food-focused ("Is that all your having?" "How much cream did use in the mash potatoes?").

  • Do go for a walk around the block. Read a novel together. Set aside ten minutes each day to talk. Ride a bike. Be creative.

  • Agree that the dinner conversation will not be body-focused ("If I have anymore food I will have to loosen my belt a notch." "Gee, Uncle Lou, have you lost weight?").

  • Figure out who will be cooking and what ingredients will be used - this way there is less worry and everyone knows what the "safe" food is.

  • Figure out how the food will be served (e.g., table self serve, buffet style, etc.).

  • Plan the exact time you will begin and end the meal.

  • At the end of the meal clear the table immediately or have everyone sit somewhere else other than the table.

  • Once the meal is over quietly congratulate yourself by focusing on what worked.

  • Plan how much family time the person struggling can take - honor these limitations.

  • Most importantly listen to one another's needs and wants - by creating the plan you are already acting to undermine the problem of anorexia/bulimia and family worry.

  • Under no circumstance try and make a perfect plan - plan a few slip ups and know that some things will work and others will not.

Holiday Tips

  • Talk openly and honestly about the dilemma of holiday gatherings and anorexia/bulimia.

  • Treat the holiday dilemma with compassion and understanding.

  • Take the time to devise a safe holiday plan that is mutually acceptable to your family and the person struggling.

  • Inform and include guests in this plan.

  • Devise a safety plan if someone breaks with the agreed upon plan.

  • Plan events to take place before and after the family dinner (e.g., a family walk, board game, music, etc.).

  • Focus only on the parts of the plan that are working.

  • If there is a problem that arises make a plan to discuss it the following day.

Remember to treat yourself with compassion, too!